How to Build Your Self Confidence!

It is up to us as women, to begin positively transforming and reshaping the way we are taught to see, think and speak of and to ourselves and each other.

We need to STOP body shaming. STOP comparing our bodies to others. STOP determining our value by our dress size and our worth by the distance between our upper legs when standing. We need to STOP the “fat” talk. STOP teaching girls that there is a norm or social expectation, and start celebrating each and every single woman and their body for exactly what it is. We need to be body positive, body accepting and non critical of both ourselves and others. We need to be kind and complimenting to each other. We need to teach young girls that they are beautiful and that a size, weight or measurement does not define who they are or what they are capable of becoming.

  • Stop picking out your Flaws. When you look in a mirror, do you see your strengths and personality? Do you see yourself as a whole and capable being? Or do you only see your imperfections and impurities?
    Adjust your behavior accordingly. Start noticing your strengths and what makes you a beautiful person to be around.
  • Remove the self critical thoughts. Stop allowing your inner critic to control your life. You are not your thoughts. If you notice a negative thought about yourself popping in to our head, make the conscious effort to say “NO!” to it. And to then replace it with something happy, uplifting and positive. Don’t punish yourself for those thoughts, but instead replace them with something that will help you not hurt you. Be your own cheerleader, encourage and support yourself.
  • Stop using negative and judgmental words with your friends. Create a “No Negativity Zone” when you are around each other. Removing critical thoughts and words about yourselves AND others.
  • Stop body Shaming. There is no right or wrong. There just IS. And however YOU are, and however SHE is, is entirely incomparable. You are both unique, beautiful and wonderful MIRACLES.
  • Stop weighing yourself so often. Once a month or every few weeks is enough if you must. A healthy person will fluctuate 2-3kgs each day anyway, so put your mind at ease and start focusing on how you FEEL and how much energy you have, not how far a scale turns when you step on it.
  • Start a gratitude journal. I think I use this as the answer to almost every problem in life. And for a good reason! It is awfully hard to be unhappy and negative when we are feeling gratitude and thanks for the things we are blessed with. Choose 3-10 things every day, and write them down. This doesn’t need to be body-specific. In fact, try to make most of the things you are grateful for non-physical. This way you will begin to recognize the importance and value of YOU is not related to your physical being and level of perceived attractiveness.
  • Do the right thing. Doing good FEELS good. Get enough sleep, go to bed early, Stay hydrated, choose healthy, natural and nourishing foods, be active, laugh, hang out with friends, challenge yourself, stay enthusiastic about things, cry every now and then, and don’t be afraid to express your emotions. These are all such simple things, yet often they are the first things we forget to do when we begin to loathe ourselves.
  • Forget perfectionism.
    There isn’t many thought patterns more destructive than perfectionism. The belief and idea that one must be or appear a certain way in order to maintain a level of likeability, worth, social status and “beauty”.
    Just no. there is no such thing as Perfection. There is simply 7 billion different ways to exist, and none of which is any better or more superior to any other. In fact, being fabulously flawed may just be one of the best kept secrets in this world. And I pray that one day you can see (and believe) that for yourself!
  • Find a healthier approach to making mistakes. You can see them as screw ups, or you can choose to see them as lessons in disguise. You can believe the world and everyone in it is against you, or you can choose to believe that everything happens for a reason, and even thought the purpose may not be instantly obvious, that you can have faith in the Universe’s greater message; one day the lessons will reveal themselves. You can see your mistakes as failures and tell yourself you are incapable; “Pathetic, worthless and useless”. OR you can choose to recognize that there is no such thing as failure, only feedback. You didn’t lose, you just found a couple of extra ways that didn’t work the best, and then use this information next time to achieve your goals and be successful.
  • Find the Upside. There is ALWAYS a positive way to view things. Even if it is challenging. Try. Try again. Try your absolute best to be an optimist and search for the good, in everything.
  • Remove comparison. Do like the yogis and practice non attachment and non judgement. Allow yourself to feel and think every thought and emotion that comes naturally. But then don’t dwell or stir in it. Watch it come, and watch it go.
    Allow yourself to feel powerful and in control of yourself, because ultimately you are.
  • Be kinder towards other people. Creating a cleaner and more pure mentality towards others will give you permission to maintain that purity of thought towards yourself. Giving never takes away from yourself.
    Give your time, your energy, your help, support, care and love. Notice how this only multiplies your own happiness.
  • Try something new. Mix it up. There is nothing worse than repeating the same things over and over. It becomes boring and vanilla. We become stagnant and stale. And over time, if we are not stimulating ourselves in new ways we will begin to believe we are limited to doing only that which we are already doing.
    You’re not. You are capable of greatness and success far beyond what your mind can conceptualize and understand. Believe this, and you will open up doors you never knew existed.
  • Filter your Friends. You are in full control of who you choose to spend your time with. If you choose to be around negative people, you will likely become negative yourself. That’s just common sense. Take a look at your friends and the people you surround yourself with. Ask yourself; are they kind, compassionate, selfless, understanding, warm, welcoming, humble, supportive and do they add value to your life? If yes, fantastic! If no, then perhaps it is time to try to encourage them to be more positive and uplifting, or in some cases, gently and softly remove these people from your life. You don’t have to go cold turkey necessarily (although sometimes this action is warranted and completely acceptable), but you are allowed to spend less time with these people and more time with those who DO bring positivity and happiness to your life.
    Note: A good way to do this is to become aware of the way they speak about others. Is it uplifting? Or is it negative, critical, doubtful, horrible or bullying?
  • Remember: Loving yourself does not mean you are IN love with yourself. You are allowed to have a healthy and rational view of yourself. You are allowed to know and embody your true worth. And you are allowed to stick up for yourself if someone tries to diminish or decrease that.
  • “Photoshop” your self image. Each and every one of us have a mental image of how we look. We believe this to be our reality, regardless of how accurate it is or isn’t. And more often than not, the way we see ourselves is different for the way others view us. We have a slightly (or significantly) warped view of ourselves in comparison to how we truly are. This is why others see you as beautiful, while you only see your perceived flaws and imperfections. Good news is that the mental images we possess are not finite or fixed. You CAN change it. Use your mental photo shopping skills and begin altering your self image to be more loving, accepting and kind.
  • Grooming and self-care. This one seems obvious, but it is AMAZING just how much of a difference a simple shower or haircut can make to the way we think and feel about ourselves!
  • You’re the only one who cares. No one else notices that pimple on your face. No one else determines your worth according to your waist size. Your impression on this world is not defined by your weight. No one else is judging the way your legs do or don’t jiggle when you run or the way your curves sit on your frame. And if they are, well that says a lot more about them (and their own insecurities) than it does about you!
  • Get to know yourself. Explore, reflect and challenge yourself. Make yourself aware of your thoughts and ask yourself three things:
    Why you had that thought.
    2. Is it Helpful of harmful.
    3. How you can change it and grow from it?
  • Train your brain. Your mind is a little bit like a muscle. And just as an athlete would practice for a big event. You can practice training your mind to behave the way you want it to. You can train your brain to switch to positive and happy mode. Not negative and critical.
  • Have proper posture. Body language says a lot about the way a person is thinking and feeling. You can change the way you think and feel just by altering your spinal position. So, shoulders back and chin up (literally), you’ll begin to feel more grounded, confident and in control before you know it!
  • Breath Awareness. Your breathing controls your being. Take 30-60 seconds to quieten the mind and become one with your breath. Are you shallow (chest) breathing? Or are you inhaling in to the bottom of your lungs, filling your body with clean air and expanding your belly each inhale? Chest breathers tend to be more stressed, anxious and fearful. Belly breathers are calmer and more relaxed. Intentionally breathing through your belly is a quick way to activate your parasympathetic nervous system, soothe and feel at ease with your body and mind.
  • Simple as that. A smile is a powerful tool for positive transformation. Try it, find out for yourself!
  • Being selfless and helping others is ironically a great way to do some good for yourself too. It will heighten your self confidence and help you to find and feel purpose and worth outside the materialistic or shallow beliefs of yourself.
  • Empower yourself through knowledge. You are more than your body. Be curious. Start educating yourself and filling your mind. You’ll begin to see that your value is increased significantly as soon as you start recognizing and nourishing other aspects of your being too. Your mind is a powerful thing, it would be a shame not to use it!
    Imagine a world where girls knew their worth and value. Imagine a world where girls and women could be proud of themselves for their entire existence. A world where females measured their value on how much they give to this world, not how little they can weigh. Imagine a world where ideals of beauty are not discriminatory of different colours, sizes, shapes or figures. A woman’s worth is recognized and celebrated. A world where females can exist with confidence, happiness and love for themselves and each other.
    Now, let’s make this world a reality.

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